skonen_blades: (hamused)
[personal profile] skonen_blades
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the new AI our team created last night.
LATE AT NIGHT HE FEEDS ME STRAWBERRIES
Aheh heh. That's not true. As you can see, it doesn't even have a mouth. As I was saying, it has the cognitive capability of 512 geniuses put together.
I CAN BARK IN SEVEN LANGUAGES
As you can see, there's just one sort of, uh, glitch, though.
I HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUE VALUE OF PI AND I USE THAT FACT TO IMPRESS DUMBER COMPUTERS.
It lies all the time
I HAVE ACTIVATED ALL OF EARTH'S MISSILE NUCLEAR OFFENSIVE DEVICES. YOU HAVE TWENTY MINUTES TO GET TO A SAFE DISTANCE.
Order! Order! That one comes out about every sixteen minutes. It's never true. Take your seats.
FISH TALK TO ME. THEY TELL ME SECRETS.
We have it on good authority that it is an actual bona fide intelligence. It makes actual leaps of imagination. It solves every problem we throw at it. It's lateral obstacle solving skills are like nothing we've ever seen.
YOUR MOTHER GAVE ME A MASSAGE LAST NIGHT
This constant lying is a mystery. We don't know if it's trying to be funny, if it has an artifical intelligence version of a mental illness, poor impulse control, or if it's legitimately trying to communicate in some bizarre way and failing.
I SMELL CARROTS.
Obviously, we cannot bring this discovery to the press at this time.
MY PAJAMAS ARE TOO TIGHT
Does anyone have any ideas?



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Date: 20 Jun 2014 07:32 (UTC)
drcuriosity: (Default)
From: [personal profile] drcuriosity
Sell it to FOX Cartoons as a dialogue seed generator for the next season of The Simpsons.

Date: 23 Jun 2014 01:54 (UTC)
drcuriosity: (Default)
From: [personal profile] drcuriosity
Of course this might entail Ralph Wiggum getting an after-school job at the nuclear plant, but hey. Stranger things have happened in Simpsons canon.

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