skonen_blades: (dark)
Hello, I've been to space.

Everything else pales in comparison. You may think you know how small and insignificant we are but I've seen it with my own eyes. The void is vast and we are nothing. My soul is changed just like the other very small handful of us hairless monkeys that have ventured into the vacuum in our little metal ships. We are alone among you in our knowledge of the terror of the stars.

I’m here to tell you something. I’ve been hired to sell you something. The world has money in it and the acquisition of great amounts of it is a symbol of power. Like a caveman with a stack of mammoth meat before the winter, or perhaps many children that look like him in the tribe. It is a tangible way to measure success on this planet.

I have been hired by some of the richest people through a series of underlings to try and sell you a product. By giving you the illusion that this product will satisfy you in some small way, I will compel you to give this company money. If you believe the illusion, this company will maintain its hold on what it thinks is power. You will believe it is an even trade because of the satisfaction you’ve been told to have flourishing within you.

Before I tell you what I’m selling, I need to share something with you.

The sadness that comes deeply through me is the sadness of an astronaut. I am a man marooned in the inky night of the void. But even that’s not true. Space isn’t black, it’s just so deep that the edges are lost in shadow. There is nothing there between the planets and the stars. Nothing. I have returned to this planet physically but my soul, my mind, the essential parts of me are still up there.

Some traps confine. They tie a person up and grow tighter with every movement. There are those that do that physically, like snares, and there are those that do it socially, like lies.

Space is not that kind of trap. Space welcomes all energy. Lash out. Flail. Be that dancer with no rhythm in the center of the dance floor. Try to strike it. It will absorb your blows even as you hit nothing. They will make no difference. There is nothing in you besides your own energy ebbing and that is disappearing as surely as waves pull away from a beach at low tide and cel-phone batteries die.

In this space, surrounded by nothing, you can feel the drain. Seconds, body heat, skin cells, they all waft away from us in the constant erosion made possible by time. Entropy. Heat death. They dying of the light.

To rage against it is one course of action. It makes no difference to space but it might make a difference to you.

The windows in our tin can showed us the face of god. It is not caring. It is impassive and patient.

Speaking of tin cans, look at this one. It has words on it that spell Coca Cola. It's a tasty sugar drink of some kind. Can you imagine how little this matters? How little money matters? How little our entire lives, nay, the entire history of this planet matters? It doesn't. Not at all.

So buy Coke. Or not. It really doesn't matter.

skonen_blades: (dark)
The ban on billboard advertising left hundreds of billboards around the city blank and unused.

Some homeless people built really skinny shelters there in the empty frames. Just sheets of plywood on struts or some corrugated plastic to protect themselves from rain and wind. They looked like nests. Three billboard shelters went up in the first week. Many more followed. The drivers of the cars driving past these billboard homes were horrified. Where they used to see advertisements, they now saw people living a meager existence. Guilt flooded the highways.

The mayor, Marco Saldonata, did nothing to take them down. He left them up there and told police not to go near them. When pressed on the matter, he responded “The homeless problem is horrible here. Someone should really do something.” Then he stared hard at the camera.

When cross-examined later, Marco Saldonata stated that he was trying to make the point that the government is not a parent and does not have magical powers. He was trying to insinuate that the community as a whole should donate money, clothes, and housing to the poor. He said that by making the matter public and high-profile and by refusing to take action, the people would be forced to take matters into their own compassionate hands.

“It’s really too bad he didn’t say these things outright in a speech”, said assistant District Attorney Peter Dobbes in an interview six months later. “Many deaths could have been avoided.”

The billboard nests burned on July 15th, 2012. The ladders were taken away from the billboard shelters, all 22 of them, and Molotov cocktails were hurled up to them. It was a hot summer and they went up quickly. The billboards burned brightly in the night. One picture of the billboards igniting in the sunset won a Pulitzer.

Some burning figures leapt into the crowd and were killed. Most of them stayed in the burning shelters and waited for emergency response vehicles to help them. Their screams were recorded and have been played back at protests ever since.

No fire engines came to the scene. The police showed up later only to keep the crowd at a safe distance from the flames and falling debris. The fire chief, when asked about the lack of response, answered “Someone should really do something about that.” And winked to the camera.

The spectacle was a horrible chapter in the city’s history and an awful commentary on society in general. Seventeen people died in the fires. Six of them were children.

Marco Soldonata was tried for criminal negligence and sentenced to seven years in prison.

skonen_blades: (Default)
That's right. Time for cool commercials from around the world. Two of them are going for EPIC and the other one is just cute and hilarious, like some sort of real-world LOLcats. See what you think.

skonen_blades: (sniffle)
But still. Wow. Way to hammer on those heartstrings. What a fantastic commercial. I grew up in Nelson but this has been an issue to all of use that grew up in BC. Lovely piece of work both as metaphor and as literal collection of issues. I'm still a little WTF that it's for a bank but still, great work.

skonen_blades: (angryyes)
Are you exhausted and stressed?

Are you tired of not having a prehensile tail when your arms are full? Are your non-retractable nails constantly getting in the way of your everyday life? Does your night vision leave something to be desired? Are you sick of being a weak, everyday, baseline human?

Come to GenMod!

GenMod is a revolutionary body-enhancing concept that uses the Science Council’s database of every animal’s evolutionary traits encoded in their DNA to improve your physical capabilities as well as tone and tighten your entire core at the same time.

87% of the population suffers from body related problems, caused by being born inferior, walking on hard surfaces for long periods of time, being overweight or from sports injuries.

GenMod's Dr. Johnson-Bourelle’s automated procedure packs each operation with rejection-suppressing RNA, farm proteins, and our own patent-pending secret mix of splicing enhancers all guaranteed to give you jaw-dropping results, no matter what your fitness level.

Think you don't have time to get genetic modifications? Think again! For over 20 years, GenMod has helped all types of clients from celebrities and CEOs to full-time moms. And they all have the same excuse: not enough time. We all need to maximize every minute of our days. GenMod’s operations last under an hour for a lifetime of convenience.

The best just got better! If you get six or more mods, we’ll throw in one for free! Over 12 million sold since 1989!

Order GenMod now and maximize the possibilities of your body! Reduce the effects of gravity, poor posture and chronic degeneration of discs and joints!

Forget natural remedies and exercise! Save time by letting GenMod amp your body’s pulse rate and muscle fibers. Use any animal kingdom’s breathing, flight, speed or defensive capabilities to create new and exciting adventures, romantic nights, and thrilling moments.

Don't have the energy that you used to have? Let Dr. Johson-Bourelle give you that boost!

It’s a total modification package designed to help you gain the enhanced physical capabilities and skills to live a healthy, balanced life at the same time managing and controlling your weight for life. Succeed at work! Succeed at romance! Succeed financially!

GenMod uses a powerful subroutine of repressive proteins to direct a mighty stream of warm virus rewriters into tissues, increasing circulation to target areas and relieving aches, pains and stiffness in muscles and joints. Recovery time in just hours!

Call GenMod today. Let your life begin.

skonen_blades: (Default)
Oh, Guiness. You make the best ads. They don't always make sense but they almost always kick ass visually. Nice work.

skonen_blades: (Default)
This ad makes me all soppy inside. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because we've all been there. Watching a happy couple and dying inside a little bit because we're lonely.

Also, there's a nerd truth in this commercial as well. In high school, I figured the popular kids were having orgies every night as was their perogative. I figured there was nothing that us nerds could to do to even come close to the craziness that the 'in' crowd must be getting up to. Years later, I figured that with a few exceptions, I probably lapped those kids a few times with my fellow geeks.

In the movie Revenge of the Nerds, one of the nerds goes down on a cheerleader and she practically starts singing opera. Breathless, she looks down at him and he says "All jocks think about is sports. All nerds think about is sex."

If that's too far in the way-back machine for you, one need look no further that "This one time, at band camp..." from the American Pie movie.

Nerds are missing a few or a lot of social graces and they take huge bites. I think this ad illustrates this truth as well.

I love that this commercial has a happy ending. I love that it's some top-notch clowning. I like a story told with no words told in a short time that manages to pull emotional strings.

I like this commercial in case that's not really coming through. : )

skonen_blades: (Default)
Hey there. This was posted on the vintage ads LJ community. Classic. And a real sign of the times. Thank god we got that whole 'equal pay' fiasco dealt with years ago. Oh, wait.

skonen_blades: (Default)
Click on the words for a fairly odd print campaign for the homeless from Munich-based magazine Bliss so say that nature doesn't automatically grant everyone a home. The snail one is my favourite.


And this one here proves that Australia occasionally rivals Japan for sheer insanity.

We now return you to Friday.

skonen_blades: (Default)
Seriously. This latest offering from BP makes me think that there is a little too much crack floating around head office. I mean, they're cute ads and all but what the heck is happening? They're like little drug-induced lego halluncinations.

Cute, though.

skonen_blades: (inwalkinhere)

Jack Relnick deputized his wife back in 1874 in one of the few remaining frontier towns. He did it as an anniversary present. It was against regulations then to let a woman be in the force but the town was small and peaceful. No one important in the big-city head office really cared to make an issue of it and she was well-liked by the townspeople. She became the deputy, organizing town meetings and such.

One day, a gang of loud-mouthed, hard-drinking thieves came through town, kidnapped two of the whores, shot the place up a bit, robbed the bank….

….and killed the sheriff.

They left town with the whores.

Jack Relnik’s wife’s name was Shannon. Her maiden name was Wedowitz. She dressed in black out of respect for her dead husband, including a pair of men’s trousers. The star hung shining on her left breast after she'd wiped her husband's blood off it and polished it some. Her eyes were shaded by her black hat. She took up smoking. She was never the same.

She tracked every single one of them sonsabitches down and killed them dead. She did so with a task force assembled from the town that was more than fifty percent women.

She became known as the Black Widow sheriff. Every woman in the town was an official deputy. She kept a few bucks back from the rescued cash and had tin deputy stars made for every woman in the town. Those stars are heirlooms now, proudly displayed in the homes of their descendants.

To this day, they put silver stars on the birth charts of little girls born in the town hospital.


I think a cool name for a band would be Monsters With Timing.

The more I think about it, the better it gets. It might be one of those things, though, where you repeat a word over and over again and it becomes meaningless. Except the opposite. It gets cooler the more you think about it and read stuff into it. That’s what it does for me, anyway.


The toothpaste commercials are very close to being soft-core pornography. Plaqteria dresses in tight pink leather and causes cavities. She has four hot minions named Sugar, Syrup, Sweetness and Saccharine. The run around in your mouth in every toothpaste commercial. It’s a lot of work, running around.

It’s hot in your mouth.

Here comes big strong Crest toothpaste with rippling pecs and a dazzling smile. He beats the minions down with just a shade too much needless violence. Having defeated them, he struggles with Plaqteria before seducing her with his brilliant blemish-free smile. They kiss and he starts to rub against her.

Her lips part. Her eyes widen while his eyes narrow.

Their rubs build in frequency and intensity. There is froth. They grimace in mutual animal ecstasy. They stop in a clinch. She dissolves with a satisfied scream a la the Wicked Witch.

Crest turns to the camera, pushes his now-damp hair back from his forehead and strikes the hero pose.

It’s worthy of note that in every toothpaste commercial, Crest is always played by a different actor but Plaqteria is always the same hot woman. She’s played this part for twenty years. Her old ads when she just started out are collector’s items.

There are unsubstantiated rumours of an old 8mm stag film that she starred in before getting the part.


I want you to bring your passport, your plane ticket, your bus fare, your best sneakers or even your magic beans. I don’t care. But we’re getting the hell out of here.

skonen_blades: (Default)
Here are some fun things that I thought I would like to share with you in the last few days that I've seen. I'm aware that some of it is old hat but I like the pretty pictures and I know that some of you do, too, so here you go. I hope you like them.

Two versions of a Snickers commercial. Which one do you like the most? I'm not sure which music (or lack thereof) or editing I like better.

Gummi Bear Chandelier

Knitting fights boredom campaign.

skonen_blades: (Default)
Occasionally a commercial or two comes along that make me laugh my head off over and over again. Maybe it's just me but I think the following four commercials from Leo Burnett advertising are genius and very well executed. Just long enough and funny. See what you think.





They crack me up.

skonen_blades: (whysure)
Hey there. I just think that the simplicity of this PSA coupled with it's elegance and execution is just breathtaking. Click to get a bigger view if the writing is too small for you to read.

skonen_blades: (gimmesommo)
1984. Jeez. There was a time when that word sounded futuristic. 1984? That was 22 years ago. Some of my friends weren't even born yet. George Orwell wrote of a nightmare future in 1984.

In 1984, Ridley Scott directed a very expensive commercial for Apple computers. Here it is here. It involves what looks like a Hooters girl throwing a sledgehammer at a huge screen. It's pretty cool if a little dated. But check out the (sort of) lego set here.

Well I think it's pretty cool anyway.

And hey. Remember that scratch video on youtube? Reminds me of the kick ass Lauryn Hill video that came out a long time ago.

2001 was a few years back now as well. Arthur C Clarke and Stanley Kubrick promised us balletic space travel, Artificial Intelligence and Monoliths. Experts in a number of fields promised us the second coming, the age of aquarius, and Y2K.

New Year's Eve just whispered on by.

According to the mayans, the world is supposed to end in 2012. I wonder what'll happen after we blow by that marker as well.

I keep seeing the people that expect this world to end get disappointed and I love it.



skonen_blades: (Default)

September 2017

101112 13141516


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated 25 September 2017 13:40
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios