reflections in the silver pool that stains my hair

I stretch back a little. I recline. I go inside myself a little. There
are people in front of me having a good time. They’d welcome me if
I joined in. I am welcome here. Yet fear still holds me back.
I think back to many times that I have conquered my fear and many times
that I have had my fear conquer me.
I am not ready. I am not a person who likes it easy. It’s reflected in
my choice of professions, my choice in mates, and my everyday decisions.
I’m trying these days to go with my instincts. Perhaps my playfulness has
been dented by the growing comprehension of what’s at stake. Perhaps I’ve always
been this way.
It’s an odd feeling, to look up to someone who looks up to you. To feel
thankful for someone in your life who’s thankful to have you in theirs.
It’s like a game of cards.
But maybe that’s just me.
I wonder where I found the time to get as bitter as I am. I wonder at the
same time how come I’m not more bitter.

You are not flexible. This girl defines it.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/39096/

Concerts a go go

I'm glad I went to Scotland because I met a girl named Storm from Africa. For those of you out there who are comic book freaks or saw the X Men movies, then you know what I'm talking about. This Storm I met isn't black but still. I met a girl named Storm from Africa.
I also got married over there. It didn't work out but still. I got married over there. To a Czech girl named Hana.
Pack up your stuff and get lost. It's worth doing. It's not a way to spend an entire life but it beats the heck out of staying in one place if you're single.
I bought tickets today to Secret Machines on the 7th, Frog Eyes on the 9th, and TV on the Radio on the 6th. They will all be good concerts.
Tonight I am going to go see Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab For Cutie. Maybe I'll find out what all the fuss is about.

Get ready for the new generation of pepsi drinkers

The nails slide out effortlessly from beneath the shizu skin of my fingers. The swollen carapace of my back splits in even sections and the hive breathes. The hum becomes a vibration you can feel in your chest. Something like icing bleeds out my tear ducts and I’m crawling with death. The hospital gown twitches where it shouldn’t and starts to tear as new bones find new ways to move and the flesh swells to accommodate. My eyes are wide and black. New teeth start growing out of my shoulders and elbows. Saber tooth armour. Clear quartz cataracts rise out of my forehead. The diseases in the air reflect back through the magnifying bacterial lens that is my aura.
I make Pestilence look like a child just starting out.
I’m not even out of control yet.
I am barely seen scissors in a pulled open mouth. I am moving so fast I become a series of shadows. I become a force. Sounds of my destruction are lagging a long time behind my actions. People and equipment are obliterated before they’re aware of danger. I’m moving so fast it’s like I’ve been unhinged from time. It seems obscene that I should be able to maintain this kind of speed.
Tumours form on my skin and blink open to reveal new biological armaments. The cells of my body have finished what the creators intended and are starting to improvise. I am bionanotechonology. Tiny molecular compound copies of me spray out in spore clouds to infect and replicate other flesh.
My only limit now is imagination. I’m becoming art. A bioluminescent avatar of creativity though destruction. A messenger of the meat come to destroy. I am all the horsemen. I’m the nightmare of the flesh. I’m conscious disease. I am biomass. I’m DNA with the lid off. I’m psychotic cellular intelligence with no brakes of conscience. I’m cancer’s descendent.
I leave a trail of hot fat and warm blood.
I tear through the lower floors up to street level. Guards empty entire magazines of experimental weaponry into me. They become food. I burst through the asphalt into afternoon sun. I am a multitude of arms and eyes and teeth behind a black ashen sporecloud that does not obey the wind.
I can smell the entire population of this city waiting to become one with me.
I figure if they can get me somewhere airtight with walls I can’t break…but that’s academic. I don’t trust them to get that organized before I become too big to contain.
They. I’m already thinking of them as they.
So easy for humanity to be shed.
Here they come. I lose conscious thought as I expand all my senses to the fight and the expansion.

(no subject)

2006-04-28

It echoes across the parking lot and I freeze like a field mouse that’s been spotted by a hawk.
I remember the first time I saw Jurassic Park. I remember Jeff Goldblum in the rain waving that flare around to save the kids and the T-Rex stepping down through the wires. I remember hearing it’s foghorn yell and seeing it open its jaws in a theater with a brand new sound system. I think that I was not alone in realizing that if I was confronted by a beast like that, something so far up the food chain from my tool using soft skinned steakform, I would not even be able to run. It’s like the beast would just lay claim to me by existing in front of me. By looking at the beast, I would be able to do nothing but stop in a complete absence of thought and offer myself up. I would become food involuntarily before the animal even got that close to me.
Back when there were movie theaters. Back before They came.
Have you ever seen an octopus out of the water? Aside from the jut of the bones in their beaks, they go nearly flat. They slish and splosh around in vain attempts to get back into the water. Have you ever seen a shark out of the water? They seem ungainly and fat. The same as penguins when they’re walking. The same as seals when they’re humping their way around on dry land. It’s only when you see these creatures in the water that you realize where they’re supposed be and what they’re supposed to be doing. You see their true grace blossom.
The T Rex was like that when it had a leg up on the still breathing corpse of its dinner and its entire face was crimson and dressed in shreds of meat. You really see what those teeth were designed for.
The invaders are like that when they’re swooping down from the skies to carry us up to the cloudnests.
I’m standing in the middle of a wide open space with an armload of pilfered food for my little group of survivors. It was my turn to make the run today. We though they worked on a schedule seeing as the last six runners made it back.
I guess the invaders were just having a bit of fun.
It’s shriek dies down and echoes around me.
They don’t make sense but they sure are quick. I know I don’t stand a chance.
I turn around and face up to the giant thing descending from the poisoned clouds. There’s no doubt. It’s heading straight for me.
I-