16 May 2006

skonen_blades: (hluuurg)
INTERIOR: DEATH STAR

IMPERIAL OFFICERS sit around a long table discussing ways to defeat the rebels. GRAND MOFF TARKIN sits at the head of the table. RANDOM OFFICER is speaking in retort to a comment from LORD VADER.

RANDOM OFFICER: Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader.
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure
up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the
Rebel's hidden fort...

LORD VADER roars loudly, drool slathering out from his face mask. All seven hundred hairy pounds of him leaps out of his seat and with a vicous backhand, his long claws open up RANDOM OFFICER wetly and loudly. RANDOM OFFICER chokes out the last of his life face down in his own blood on the polished table, eyes bugging at his own reflection in the spreading pool beneath his twitching face. His last breath ripples the already congealing surface. His intenstines slither wetly down between his boots in the silence.

LORD VADER pads back to his chair and licks his paw.

LORD VADER: Mrwaawrrr. (SHKooooo....Paaahhhh) I find your lack of faith disturbing. Grrrr.

TARKIN: This bickering is pointless. Lord Vader will provide us with the location of the Rebel fortress by the time this station is operational. We will then crush the Rebellion with one swift stroke. Oh dear. I could have made a funny out of that couldn't I? Oh DEAR me! A swift stroke. With the claws and the grrr. Oh DEAR me! (titters into his sleeve)

Orchestra starts and TARKIN starts singing a devil-may-care rendition of "I Feel Pretty".

Darth Maul indeed. This is the best Vancouver Bear ever. Click to see it larger. It's awesome. Robson and Burrard in front of the Virgin Megastore.







Or it's like this:

DODONNA stands before a large electronic wall display. LEIA and several other senators are to one side of the giant readout. The low-ceilinged room is filled with starpilots, navigators, and a sprinkling of R2-type robots. Everyone is listening intently to what Dodonna is saying. Han and Chewbacca are standing near the back.

DODONNA: The battle station is heavily shielded and carries a firepower greater than half the star fleet. It's defenses are designed around a direct large-scale assault. However, information has come to us that should help our attack succeed.

GOLD LEADER: And what information is that, Dodonna?

DODONNA: Starting the end of next month, Darth Vader will go to sleep for six months.

PAUSE

ROOM ERUPTS IN CHEERS



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