Ploughing the furrow
20 May 2006 14:08It’s under me. Wait. I mean, it’s beneath me.
His eye is missing. He’s begging. There’s been a bank robbery. There’s a
giant painting of a rearing horse on the office wall. It’s not an abstract.
The boss is into realism. I wonder how ‘real’ he feels right now. His
eye is in my hand. I have the money I owe him in a bag beside me. I robbed
a bank to get it. He’s begging.
I’m beyond deals.
There’s a certain freedom in having no limits.
The fireworks have a long fuse so the tension is unbearable. But nothing
happens when the spark finally hits the base. There’s supposed to be an
explosion. Nothing happens.
The bass from the sound system in the car outside thuds its way through the
walls like a washing machine.
His begging comes back into focus again.
How long have I been standing here?
I sway a little.
His begging increases and then stops. There’s a gunshot in there somewhere
and my arm hurts a lot. I realize that my arm hurts from the kick of the
handgun. I realize that his begging stopped because he no longer has the
ability to beg. I took that away.
I leave the money with him. Or with his corpse, I mean. I think. Did I
just shoot someone? I think I robbed a bank. I’m a man of my word.
I’ve heard that there’s a point that all paraplegics or quadriplegics need
to get to. This is the point where they have to realize that they won’t get
better. They will not walk again. It’s a hard thing to realize because
society tells us to never accept defeat. Society tells us to never give up.
Then they have to realize that accepting that they’ll never walk again is
not defeat. It’s not giving up. It’s a new beginning.
I’m at that point.
Wild dogs don’t hide from the rain.
I’m making snow angels in the zen garden.
It’s beneath me.
tags
His eye is missing. He’s begging. There’s been a bank robbery. There’s a
giant painting of a rearing horse on the office wall. It’s not an abstract.
The boss is into realism. I wonder how ‘real’ he feels right now. His
eye is in my hand. I have the money I owe him in a bag beside me. I robbed
a bank to get it. He’s begging.
I’m beyond deals.
There’s a certain freedom in having no limits.
The fireworks have a long fuse so the tension is unbearable. But nothing
happens when the spark finally hits the base. There’s supposed to be an
explosion. Nothing happens.
The bass from the sound system in the car outside thuds its way through the
walls like a washing machine.
His begging comes back into focus again.
How long have I been standing here?
I sway a little.
His begging increases and then stops. There’s a gunshot in there somewhere
and my arm hurts a lot. I realize that my arm hurts from the kick of the
handgun. I realize that his begging stopped because he no longer has the
ability to beg. I took that away.
I leave the money with him. Or with his corpse, I mean. I think. Did I
just shoot someone? I think I robbed a bank. I’m a man of my word.
I’ve heard that there’s a point that all paraplegics or quadriplegics need
to get to. This is the point where they have to realize that they won’t get
better. They will not walk again. It’s a hard thing to realize because
society tells us to never accept defeat. Society tells us to never give up.
Then they have to realize that accepting that they’ll never walk again is
not defeat. It’s not giving up. It’s a new beginning.
I’m at that point.
Wild dogs don’t hide from the rain.
I’m making snow angels in the zen garden.
It’s beneath me.
tags