23 September 2008

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I found three knobs on my doorstep.

They were all delivered in one black velvet box like the kind one would use to keep jewelry or medals. The doorbell rang, I opened the door, and they were on my welcome mat.

I received a doorknob, an on/off switch, and a volume dial.

The volume dial is black with little white numbers set under the resin. It goes up to ten. The doorknob is brass with a good heft to it, a well-polished antique. The on/off switch is a white toggle with a rectangular base.

That was a two weeks ago and I’m really scared now.

If I press the doorknob to a wall or a surface, a door will appear and the doorknob will open it. Bank safes, brick walls, sidewalks, windows, prison bars, cars, even human flesh. I’ve tried them all. With a little concentration, I can control the size of the door. I tried it on a mountain a few days ago and when I opened the door, there was a hallway going to the other side of the mountain.

It’s physically impossible to move that much rock that quickly without massive consequences. I closed the door. I wonder what would happen if I put the knob onto the ground outside of the city. Would I open up a volcano? Or would I see a distant speck of light from the other side of the world?

If I press the volume knob to anything, I can make the object get louder or softer. The switch is permanent if I take the volume knob away. I can turn kitten squeaks into earthquakes and I can make jet engines sound like a barely audible breeze.

It works on people as well. I can make a person permanently whisper or even be mute. I can cause a person to shout at the top of their lungs for the rest of his or her life. Even their humming will shatter glass and make other people go deaf if I turn them all the way up. They’ll never need a loudspeaker again. Either that or they’ll fade into silent obscurity if I've turned them down.

The on/off switch is the one that scares me the most. It makes vehicles and appliances never work again if I turn them off. I tried it on a factory yesterday. All the machinery inside the factory ground to a halt and no one could fix it.

It got me thinking.

I turned off three neighbourhood cats yesterday. So I know it kills. That’s not what scares me, though. What scares me is that I turned the cats back on after they’d been dead for hours.

I’m standing at the foot of my wife’s grave right now, fingering the switch carefully in one sweaty hand and the doorknob in the other.

I could use the doorknob to open a shaft to her coffin, place the switch on her chest, and turn her on again. Would she come back rotting or would she be perfectly restored? I don’t know. Would she curse me or be grateful? Would she be a zombie or would she remember me?

I’ve been standing here for hours. I can’t decide. I’ve turned myself down so my screaming won’t disturb anyone else in the graveyard.




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