Voices

It started in the back of my head. Suggestions. Little ideas that steered me down paths that I might not have normally taken. Go talk to that girl. Cross the street right now. Order the stew. Don’t write that note. Small decisions every day that chipped away at my destiny like a sculptor chisels a statue out of a block of marble.

I thought that they were just normal thoughts. Evidence of experience surfacing to give me advice. Small words of warning or hints to help me down the path. My subconscious doing the math based on what has happened so far and firing up warning flags.

Now I’m not so sure. Lately, they’ve been getting frantic. Sometimes they curse. I get headaches, especially when I don’t obey the voices. A couple of mornings ago, my pillow was soaked with blood when I woke up from a massive nosebleed. I never get nosebleeds.

Also, the orders are starting to be more risky. They’re telling me to hurt people now. Steal that woman’s purse. Punch that guy standing over there. Yell at that old woman. Break that kid’s toy.

Actions that aren’t going to change the course of history on a grand scale but actions that could conceivably put me in jail or get me in trouble. I have disobeyed so far but it’s getting difficult to resist because of the pain when I refuse.

What if the voices tell me to kill someone? What if the voices start telling me to target politicians? What if the voices start to tell me that strangers are trying to steal my internal organs? What if the voices tell me that I’m related to God? What if they tell me to hurt a Roman Centurion?

I’m just going to obey my father and keep assisting him with his carpentry. I am not special. I will not obey the voices.



tags