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Fourteen.
It’s the number of tentacles that a Jonesian Dickensian has when worshipping the literary beast of London. It’s the number of successive exponent waves that a particle can take before becoming a wave itself. It’s one-eighth of the number of chromosomes needed to achieve true sentience.
It’s the age at which a piece of paper becomes a document whether or not anything has ever been written upon it. Fourteen is the only number that is sarcastic and has a silent rhetorical question. Fourteen enjoys alternative lifestyle travel packages while the rest of the teens are doing math.
Fourteen is waiting to get paid. Fourteen claims to be a prime number but is a liar. Fourteen doesn’t mess about when it comes to fish suppers.
Fourteen thinks half-sweet venti peppermint lattes are a harbinger of the antichrist. Fourteen thinks spell check can go fuck itself and hopes to one day be known as the king of numbers. Fourteen is very insecure.
Fourteen winked at your mom. Fourteen doesn’t want to believe in its own inherent duality. Fourteen can’t do any tricks.
Fourteen flies in an elliptical orbit around its own ego. Fourteen forgets to poke holes in the lid and ends up asphyxiating captured bees. Fourteen wouldn’t cross the street to spit on you if you were on fire.
Fourteen wants to apologize but wants you to apologize first. Fourteen did the dishes and sent them to Cuba. Fourteen took dance lessons and ended up becoming a bartender.
Fourteen has a large family in Toledo that it never talks about. Fourteen is big in Japan. Fourteen had a hit record in the fifties and has never been able to recreate that success.
Fourteen is jealous of big-breasted women, jackrabbits, horseradish, and reprogrammable VCRS. Fourteen is a self addressed stamped envelope with nothing inside. Fourteen once told me a story about summer camp that made me realize just how screwed up fourteen actually is.
Fourteen thinks Requiem for a Dream is a comedy. Fourteen circles the perimeter of its own boundaries like a lion in the zoo that’s never seen the jungle but understands down deep that something is wrong. Fourteen hates your attention and craves it all at the same time.
Fourteen thinks that Easter Egg hunts belong in Hell and that Santa Claus totally exists. Fourteen wants to like you. Fourteen is an indigenous native-speaking first national aboriginal integer interested in computers, forests, and guinea pigs.
Fourteen is not a vegan. Fourteen hates Vegas. Fourteen wants to be odd but his biology works against him. Fourteen is the number of licks it takes.
Fourteen wears pants that don’t fit. Fourteen will cry if you show it any kindness at all. Fourteen draws dragons in the margins of its math textbooks.
Fourteen grew up overseas but he likes it here better.
tags
It’s the number of tentacles that a Jonesian Dickensian has when worshipping the literary beast of London. It’s the number of successive exponent waves that a particle can take before becoming a wave itself. It’s one-eighth of the number of chromosomes needed to achieve true sentience.
It’s the age at which a piece of paper becomes a document whether or not anything has ever been written upon it. Fourteen is the only number that is sarcastic and has a silent rhetorical question. Fourteen enjoys alternative lifestyle travel packages while the rest of the teens are doing math.
Fourteen is waiting to get paid. Fourteen claims to be a prime number but is a liar. Fourteen doesn’t mess about when it comes to fish suppers.
Fourteen thinks half-sweet venti peppermint lattes are a harbinger of the antichrist. Fourteen thinks spell check can go fuck itself and hopes to one day be known as the king of numbers. Fourteen is very insecure.
Fourteen winked at your mom. Fourteen doesn’t want to believe in its own inherent duality. Fourteen can’t do any tricks.
Fourteen flies in an elliptical orbit around its own ego. Fourteen forgets to poke holes in the lid and ends up asphyxiating captured bees. Fourteen wouldn’t cross the street to spit on you if you were on fire.
Fourteen wants to apologize but wants you to apologize first. Fourteen did the dishes and sent them to Cuba. Fourteen took dance lessons and ended up becoming a bartender.
Fourteen has a large family in Toledo that it never talks about. Fourteen is big in Japan. Fourteen had a hit record in the fifties and has never been able to recreate that success.
Fourteen is jealous of big-breasted women, jackrabbits, horseradish, and reprogrammable VCRS. Fourteen is a self addressed stamped envelope with nothing inside. Fourteen once told me a story about summer camp that made me realize just how screwed up fourteen actually is.
Fourteen thinks Requiem for a Dream is a comedy. Fourteen circles the perimeter of its own boundaries like a lion in the zoo that’s never seen the jungle but understands down deep that something is wrong. Fourteen hates your attention and craves it all at the same time.
Fourteen thinks that Easter Egg hunts belong in Hell and that Santa Claus totally exists. Fourteen wants to like you. Fourteen is an indigenous native-speaking first national aboriginal integer interested in computers, forests, and guinea pigs.
Fourteen is not a vegan. Fourteen hates Vegas. Fourteen wants to be odd but his biology works against him. Fourteen is the number of licks it takes.
Fourteen wears pants that don’t fit. Fourteen will cry if you show it any kindness at all. Fourteen draws dragons in the margins of its math textbooks.
Fourteen grew up overseas but he likes it here better.
tags