At Peace

The pain in me is like a light, a light that leads the way
A way that weighs so heavily, from day to heavy day
A way whose path that darkly winds through decades getting longer
And I’m afraid of darkness so the light is getting stronger
By pain I mean the ennui and loneliness I feel
With all the friends I have I feel the feeling isn’t real
And yet I use it like a light to show me where it goes
Even though it’s turned a lot of yesses into noes
I feel it is my lighthouse and it also is my anchor
So gravity’s my enemy and I’m an oil tanker
I am the waves, the shore, the ship, the lighthouse and the light
My inner cowardice decides what I will do tonight
I feel safety here for sure. Security in fear.
I squeak by while dreaming big. There goes another year.
When I look empirically, I know I’m doing well
And even though it’s dark I know it’s not a living hell
I do fine. I make it through. It’s not a cry for aid.
I’ve turned a lot of lemon orchards into lemonade
But the question making me so fearful of release
Is I don’t know what I would do if I could be at peace.




tags