Love poem for Audrey
21 August 2013 20:43![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skonen_bladesIt’s you. A star down in the darkness of me.
Half of the dna that created you seems to have left a hole in me that is letting light in.
The underground warps. I mean the cave where all our souls dwell. Mine changes. It’s like the shift of a glacier, a radiating and deep crack that finds its way all the way up to the light and down to the ocean floor of me. It’s not lightning. It’s love. A strange presence down there. Flashes of it were glimpsed up until now, like the fleeting dart of a deep sea angler’s antenna, or a shooting star dying across a smear of atmosphere.
But now it appears to have taken up residence. To say that, give or take, the last two years of my life have been the happiest, is a strange thing to roll around in the mind and on the tongue. To see it spread across the page like paint dropped in water is alienating. Worthy of further inspection. Like a hardy lichen that doesn’t need much to live has started a permanent station down there and it glows. I watch it like I'm in a airplane flying over a small town.
My heart is the bottom of a skateboard park. There is vibrant graffiti there now that the skaters are not erasing. It is your smile, your tiny ears, and our hands. It is your complete, almost zen commitment to your hugs. You don’t just hug me. You become a hug.
You are my daughter. You are capricious and unknowable, caught between a mastery of living in the now and a recklessness I admire. You exist in moods that pass like the changing of numbers on a clock. You force me to play at least once a day. To communicate with you, I need to come up to your level and I love visiting.
But it’s like I’ve taken a small chunk of your sun back to dimly candle my insides. Time away from you is time made dull. If I was a knife, I feel as if I have been sharpened to a thinness that is almost done. I am ready for the rest of my life.
I’ll be the anchor. You be the kite. I will always love you.
take
Half of the dna that created you seems to have left a hole in me that is letting light in.
The underground warps. I mean the cave where all our souls dwell. Mine changes. It’s like the shift of a glacier, a radiating and deep crack that finds its way all the way up to the light and down to the ocean floor of me. It’s not lightning. It’s love. A strange presence down there. Flashes of it were glimpsed up until now, like the fleeting dart of a deep sea angler’s antenna, or a shooting star dying across a smear of atmosphere.
But now it appears to have taken up residence. To say that, give or take, the last two years of my life have been the happiest, is a strange thing to roll around in the mind and on the tongue. To see it spread across the page like paint dropped in water is alienating. Worthy of further inspection. Like a hardy lichen that doesn’t need much to live has started a permanent station down there and it glows. I watch it like I'm in a airplane flying over a small town.
My heart is the bottom of a skateboard park. There is vibrant graffiti there now that the skaters are not erasing. It is your smile, your tiny ears, and our hands. It is your complete, almost zen commitment to your hugs. You don’t just hug me. You become a hug.
You are my daughter. You are capricious and unknowable, caught between a mastery of living in the now and a recklessness I admire. You exist in moods that pass like the changing of numbers on a clock. You force me to play at least once a day. To communicate with you, I need to come up to your level and I love visiting.
But it’s like I’ve taken a small chunk of your sun back to dimly candle my insides. Time away from you is time made dull. If I was a knife, I feel as if I have been sharpened to a thinness that is almost done. I am ready for the rest of my life.
I’ll be the anchor. You be the kite. I will always love you.
take