Holodeck Warning Sign
8 June 2014 18:06![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skonen_bladesA comic starring Captain Kirk that is required reading in Starfleet when talking about using the holodeck for pleasure. It opens with James T Kirk in ten forward trying to pick up various members of Starfleet and it's not going so well.
If you’re 7 of 9, I’d like to meet the other 8.
You’re got your phasers set to stunning, 7, and there’s no mistake
Not to be ten forward but you look like you could use some fun
Let me introduce myself to you, I’m one of one
Well actually I guess that you could say I’m one of two
But luckily at least for me I think we both like you
So finish up that synthohol and let’s go to your quarters
I share with two cardassians and one of them’s a hoarder
You know you want to, don’t resist, your people say that’s futile
Just lean back and *I’ll* assimilate *you* for a while
No big deal there’s lots of women left hey who’s that there?
Who’s that stunning dark-eyed woman with the raven hair?
Oh I remember now that vixen’s name’s Deanna troi
And I know just the type of captain’s charm I should employ
Hey there Troi? A psychic, eh? I’ll try to keep it clean.
I’m thinking of a number now that’s somewhere in between
Sixty-eight and seventy. You guessed it! Wow! That’s great!
Now let’s go back to your place and I’ll make you my first mate
Hey there Worf. Your wife, you say? Well, I was just, uh, leaving
I wish you both the best of lives and bid you both good evening
Hey who’s this? Jadzia Dax? My god that lady’s fine.
Third time’s the charm, they say, I think I’ll try to make her mine
Hey Jadzia what’s the deal? You looking for a thrill?
What’s that you say? A symbiant? You say that you’re a trill?
So there’s like two of you inside there? Sweet! A three way sounds delightful!
Say what? There’s dudes? There nine of you in there? How frightful.
Well that’s okay. That’s not too gay. You want to get it on?
You’d sooner bone the corpse of Bones McCoy and Riker’s mom.
Man it’s hard to get some sex on board this enterprise
I hear this Riker’s up for it but I’m not into guys
Have I tried the holodeck? Why no. Why, what it that?
Excuse me? WHAT? SAY WHAT? I’ll need a tour. Like effing stat.
And that is how the Captain Kirk met his untimely death.
He cut the safety protocols and with his dying breath
He humped his way through Romulans, Orions, Vulcans, Trills,
Bajorans, Vulcans, Betazoids, and more exotic thrills
Like tribbles, horta, binars, borg, andorians and Klingon
When they found his bloated corpse it didn’t have a thing on
Captain Kirk had met his match on board the that magic place
They say he screwed near halfway through the ship’s whole database
The holodeck’s a blessing but it can be deadly, too.
So think of Jim and those like him when using it for you.
tags
If you’re 7 of 9, I’d like to meet the other 8.
You’re got your phasers set to stunning, 7, and there’s no mistake
Not to be ten forward but you look like you could use some fun
Let me introduce myself to you, I’m one of one
Well actually I guess that you could say I’m one of two
But luckily at least for me I think we both like you
So finish up that synthohol and let’s go to your quarters
I share with two cardassians and one of them’s a hoarder
You know you want to, don’t resist, your people say that’s futile
Just lean back and *I’ll* assimilate *you* for a while
No big deal there’s lots of women left hey who’s that there?
Who’s that stunning dark-eyed woman with the raven hair?
Oh I remember now that vixen’s name’s Deanna troi
And I know just the type of captain’s charm I should employ
Hey there Troi? A psychic, eh? I’ll try to keep it clean.
I’m thinking of a number now that’s somewhere in between
Sixty-eight and seventy. You guessed it! Wow! That’s great!
Now let’s go back to your place and I’ll make you my first mate
Hey there Worf. Your wife, you say? Well, I was just, uh, leaving
I wish you both the best of lives and bid you both good evening
Hey who’s this? Jadzia Dax? My god that lady’s fine.
Third time’s the charm, they say, I think I’ll try to make her mine
Hey Jadzia what’s the deal? You looking for a thrill?
What’s that you say? A symbiant? You say that you’re a trill?
So there’s like two of you inside there? Sweet! A three way sounds delightful!
Say what? There’s dudes? There nine of you in there? How frightful.
Well that’s okay. That’s not too gay. You want to get it on?
You’d sooner bone the corpse of Bones McCoy and Riker’s mom.
Man it’s hard to get some sex on board this enterprise
I hear this Riker’s up for it but I’m not into guys
Have I tried the holodeck? Why no. Why, what it that?
Excuse me? WHAT? SAY WHAT? I’ll need a tour. Like effing stat.
And that is how the Captain Kirk met his untimely death.
He cut the safety protocols and with his dying breath
He humped his way through Romulans, Orions, Vulcans, Trills,
Bajorans, Vulcans, Betazoids, and more exotic thrills
Like tribbles, horta, binars, borg, andorians and Klingon
When they found his bloated corpse it didn’t have a thing on
Captain Kirk had met his match on board the that magic place
They say he screwed near halfway through the ship’s whole database
The holodeck’s a blessing but it can be deadly, too.
So think of Jim and those like him when using it for you.
tags