24-30 Bragging Rights

[skonen_blades]

I don’t want to brag
But when it comes to poetry

I’m the William Shakespeare of oil paints.
I’m Normal Rockwell on the microphone
I’m the Michelangelo of chefs
I’m the United Nations of spending some time in the sauna by myself
I’m a walking Wright Brother
I dig holes like Edmund Hilary
I massage retired Italians in Sherbrooke better than Eminem
Martin Luther King did not brush his teeth with more flamboyance and flair than I
I am the George Lucas of chess
I am the Commander Riker of building model airplanes
I’m the Neil Armstrong of waiting patiently in line

Sheeeeyit
Don’t you know who you’re talking to?

I’m a bullet proof vest on a scarecrow
I eat roasted chestnuts faster than a paleontologist
I own more pencils that Megatron
My name in Arabic translates literally as Duncan
I’m the Gucci of wet newspaper
When it comes to minding my own business I’m like a lost shoe
I decorate Christmas trees better than most beehives
Motorcycle helmets have nothing on me when it comes to playing the piano
I run hotter than a jogger in the rain
I come to more abrupt stops than the Mississippi
Once, I got a phone call from Muhammed Ali asking me about kite-flying

You don’t even know



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