Yoga thoughts

[skonen_blades]

I
There are three layers
The first layer is rushing
Like rapids over rocks
This layer is closest to the surface
Churning, changing, exploring and receding
The second layer is moving placidly
A slow, powerful river
This layer is deeper
Harder to course correct, slower to shift
And the last layer, the core
The core barely moves
Like the deepest, calm lake
The core is still
Unfathomable
The largest and the most unreachable
Barely conscious
Maybe the true self
I don’t know if it’s what’s left over
The distilled reality after experiences
Filter through the first two layers
Or if it’s the untouched rawness
That was there at the start
and will always barely be affected
By anything outside
Perhaps it’s both

II
I still feel her hands
The warm peace of her energy
Branching into me and staying
Fading like an afterimage
Inside

III
A lot of tension is kept in my forehead
A lot of tension is kept in my lower back
A lot of sex is kept caged in my heart
Just when I think I’m totally relaxed
I go a little deeper
And then when I am at my most relaxed
I go a little deeper
Making me feel like I am incapable of total relaxation
Like the most relaxed I’ve been is just scratching the surface
A lot of my life has been built around
Living with exhaustion
Living with regret
Living with tension
It’s a lot to unlearn

IV
I need to be kinder to myself
Not lazier
Not weaker
Not a liar
But kinder
Criticism is no longer a fuel for me
Carrying more weight is no longer inspiring
The fire is no longer a crucible I enjoy

V
I am not falling apart.
I am completing.
The clash and shedding
The falling away of certain scales
The gaining of some new limits
The loss of some old inhibitions
It’s not a descent or a climb
Or a molting with an end date
It’s just the ongoing rate of change
That only hurts when resisted
It feels like dilution
It feels like spreading
But I am not disappearing
I am only revealing
And ridding myself
Of what I no longer need
Smaller and lighter
Isn’t less



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