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skonen_bladesThat last article got me a-thinkin'. It's been a little bit of a theme lately.
First there was this post referenced by donnaidh_sidhe.
Which led to this post.
This morning I went to mail some bills to the bill people and a DVD back to zip.ca.
I mailed my mail but my eye saw what looked like a fortune taped the handle of the mailbox.
Upon closer inspection, this is what it said.
What do you think of that?
It's nature vs. nurture isn't it? We are born basically the same and then society tells us how we should act and reinforces those lessons over and over again.
I'm all over the map when it comes to feminism. Mostly it's because I'm a big dumb male. I don't like women that are stupid and submissive. I go a little crazy when I'm talking to a smart girl who's pretending to be stupid and submissive so that I will like her. I nod in appreciation when a smart girl is pretending to be stupid and submissive to milk society for what she wants, just as long as she's not doing it to me.
I'm just going to ramble on here for a bit and see what comes out. There are probably going to be contradictions.
I hate scaring women simply because I'm male. I hate being expected to be a barely restrained rapist just waiting for the chance. I understand the need for protecting yourself because a lot of males are like that but still.
The whole concept of forcing anyone to do something that they don't want to do is alien to me.
Here is a situation that sums up the problem for me in male society today. Not that I'm trying in any way to say that males have it rougher. We don't. I'm so happy to be male. But here's the story.
This girl that I don't know that well came over to my place. She came into my room. She sat on the edge of my bed. We talked. I started to get the idea that she was disappointed or something. Something in the air changed. She looked like she was trying accept defeat gracefully. I had no idea what was going on. She left. I heard from a friend of hers later that I hurt her feelings. She liked me.
In a way, we can't win. Maybe it's always been this way.
If I am alone with a woman and I have the faintest opportunity to try to have sex with her, I am supposed to jump on her like an animal. If I do this, it is sexual assault and I am part of the supression machine rape culture patriarchy. If I don't, then I am obviously repulsed by her and think she's disgusting.
I was raised to be ashamed of being male while at the same time to be ashamed of showing emotions. I was raised to be tough and heterosexual while at the same time to respect and listen to women. I was punished for being gentle but told to be gentle.
I give a woman enough space and trust to come to me in safety.
Apparently, that makes me a giant unattractive weakling.
"Where have all the strong men gone?" women lament to me.
"I love Persian men" they say, or "I love South American men. They know how to treat a lady."
Why? The answer is because they don't take no for an answer. They pester. They harangue. They pursue.
I was raised to believe that this is sexual harassment.
Women are still raised to believe that this is what men do when they like you.
I was raised to believe that no never meant maybe, that no never meant 'try harder'.
Apparently this is not the case in some cases.
I was told to not be a monster.
I am not a monster.
Women believe I am a monster.
Until they get to know me.
Another thing that bothers me is when women get four phone calls in a row from someone they don't want to talk to and they proclaim to the world that they have a stalker. With a half smile on their face and a put upon sigh. But they're glad for the attention.
For the record, a stalker makes you fear for your life. You move to a different city and change your name when you have a stalker. You don't sleep because of the time when you woke up to find him standing at the foot of your bed with a knife crying. Stalkers are crazy unbalanced unpredictable possible killers. And the police can do next to nothing until they commit a crime. They're the scariest.
Four unwanted phone calls does not a stalker make. Drives me nuts.
But in any case. It's a screwed up world we live in. a) it's always been this way and b) there's still love out there making is possible to all types to get together and be happy so it's not all bad.
What do you think? I'm properly braced for vitriol here.
tags
First there was this post referenced by donnaidh_sidhe.
Which led to this post.
This morning I went to mail some bills to the bill people and a DVD back to zip.ca.
I mailed my mail but my eye saw what looked like a fortune taped the handle of the mailbox.
Upon closer inspection, this is what it said.
What do you think of that?
It's nature vs. nurture isn't it? We are born basically the same and then society tells us how we should act and reinforces those lessons over and over again.
I'm all over the map when it comes to feminism. Mostly it's because I'm a big dumb male. I don't like women that are stupid and submissive. I go a little crazy when I'm talking to a smart girl who's pretending to be stupid and submissive so that I will like her. I nod in appreciation when a smart girl is pretending to be stupid and submissive to milk society for what she wants, just as long as she's not doing it to me.
I'm just going to ramble on here for a bit and see what comes out. There are probably going to be contradictions.
I hate scaring women simply because I'm male. I hate being expected to be a barely restrained rapist just waiting for the chance. I understand the need for protecting yourself because a lot of males are like that but still.
The whole concept of forcing anyone to do something that they don't want to do is alien to me.
Here is a situation that sums up the problem for me in male society today. Not that I'm trying in any way to say that males have it rougher. We don't. I'm so happy to be male. But here's the story.
This girl that I don't know that well came over to my place. She came into my room. She sat on the edge of my bed. We talked. I started to get the idea that she was disappointed or something. Something in the air changed. She looked like she was trying accept defeat gracefully. I had no idea what was going on. She left. I heard from a friend of hers later that I hurt her feelings. She liked me.
In a way, we can't win. Maybe it's always been this way.
If I am alone with a woman and I have the faintest opportunity to try to have sex with her, I am supposed to jump on her like an animal. If I do this, it is sexual assault and I am part of the supression machine rape culture patriarchy. If I don't, then I am obviously repulsed by her and think she's disgusting.
I was raised to be ashamed of being male while at the same time to be ashamed of showing emotions. I was raised to be tough and heterosexual while at the same time to respect and listen to women. I was punished for being gentle but told to be gentle.
I give a woman enough space and trust to come to me in safety.
Apparently, that makes me a giant unattractive weakling.
"Where have all the strong men gone?" women lament to me.
"I love Persian men" they say, or "I love South American men. They know how to treat a lady."
Why? The answer is because they don't take no for an answer. They pester. They harangue. They pursue.
I was raised to believe that this is sexual harassment.
Women are still raised to believe that this is what men do when they like you.
I was raised to believe that no never meant maybe, that no never meant 'try harder'.
Apparently this is not the case in some cases.
I was told to not be a monster.
I am not a monster.
Women believe I am a monster.
Until they get to know me.
Another thing that bothers me is when women get four phone calls in a row from someone they don't want to talk to and they proclaim to the world that they have a stalker. With a half smile on their face and a put upon sigh. But they're glad for the attention.
For the record, a stalker makes you fear for your life. You move to a different city and change your name when you have a stalker. You don't sleep because of the time when you woke up to find him standing at the foot of your bed with a knife crying. Stalkers are crazy unbalanced unpredictable possible killers. And the police can do next to nothing until they commit a crime. They're the scariest.
Four unwanted phone calls does not a stalker make. Drives me nuts.
But in any case. It's a screwed up world we live in. a) it's always been this way and b) there's still love out there making is possible to all types to get together and be happy so it's not all bad.
What do you think? I'm properly braced for vitriol here.
tags
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no subject
Date: 2 Jun 2006 20:17 (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jun 2006 07:38 (UTC)Hope this helps.
no subject
Date: 7 Jun 2006 17:48 (UTC)months late, but am doing vanity LJseeking
Date: 12 Oct 2006 15:00 (UTC)I thought that was a pretty weak-ass phrase that wimpy feminists used to get self-absorbed men onto our side -- appeal to how feminism can benefit them if they can't agree that women deserve to have basic equalities -- but upon thought it makes sense. Specifically, the concept that a "real man" doesn't take no for an answer hurts women because it violates their autonomy, and it hurts men because it brands them as weak for doing the right thing and respecting women's boundaries.
I had a conversation with my dad yesterday about that Belinda Stronach/Peter MacKay affair that's been tossed around the news. I said that if one was going to place unequal blame for dishonest behaviour in that situation, one would have to place it on MacKay because he was the married one and he betrayed his family by consenting to an extramarital affair. My father contended that Stronach was most at fault because women should know better, since any man would jump at the opportunity for a piece of ass. More patriarchal crap -- placing the responsibility for sexual morality on a woman -- that hurts men by assuming that they are all animals governed by their penises.
Funny, though, that unscrupulous males can use that perception to their advantage to justify betraying the trust of women who have consented to be alone around them. I have several male friends with whom I regularly spend time alone. I am fully aware of the fact that if I trust the wrong person and one of them assaults me, the average outsider will blame me for putting myself into a situation where I can "get myself raped" -- because, after all, why else would I be alone with a guy if not to have sex with him? And it'll be just my word against his...
Re: months late, but am doing vanity LJseeking
Date: 12 Oct 2006 19:35 (UTC)