4/365 - Natural Causes

[skonen_blades]

When Death came in quietly on its unfair legs and took up residence in our oldest cat, we barely noticed. We were in the middle of a move and all that happened when we were finally unpacked in the new house was that she stopped going outside.

She was one of those black cats from Halloween calendars with glowing green eyes. She was a bitch. She shared our house with another cat through no fault of her own and she made that point whenever she could. The other cat, fat and stupid, was merely tolerated but she, the black cat from a Parisian art nouveau poster, ruled the house. She was forthright, mean, majestic and aloof as only a cat can be.

And death seemed like a trophy hunter.

She was found as a kitten 15 years before near a dumpster behind Café Deux Soleils in Vancouver British Columbia. She was taken all the way to Halifax and lived there for nearly a decade before being driven across Canada back to Vancouver. She had seen more of this country that I have. When she died, it was six blocks from where she’d been found.

And death seemed to have a sense of comforting irony.

She became lethargic and thin. I’ve never felt a cat so thin. We took her to the vet to see what was wrong with her and the vet made it clear that there were a lot of things wrong with her. Four or five organs were failing. We were given saline to keep her hydrated. We administered it through an IV line. We were told to keep tabs on her and comfort her. That was the best they could do.

And death seemed inhumanly patient.

She would forget to retract her claws and get caught in the carpet, anchored by her paw’s betrayal. She fell down the stairs near the end. I’ve never seen an act so unnatural as a cat falling down stairs. I’ve never seen a cat unable to walk on a hardwood floor because her weakness made her slip. I’ve never seen a cat unable to keep its head up.

And death seemed cruel.

A strong cat. A smart cat. A mean cat. She faded out of this world, soul turned inside out and funneled away by Death’s silent climate into a different place. Looking back, it had been coming for a while yet it seemed so sudden at the time.

And death seemed like a complex plan with no hope of being evaded.

Her death seemed natural in a bad way. A cruel trick to play on an unsuspecting cat. A cat with no means of language or defense made clumsy and embarrassed by ‘natural causes’. An athletic cliché of a cat that belonged on the broom handle of a cartoon witch, turned into a shaking caricature of sickness. Tuna fell out of her mouth. Water dribbled down her chin. Her eyes became infected. That last night, she lay on the ground and meowed without sound until her shallow breathing wound down in the middle of the night like an untended watch.

She died the day before Christmas near the fake Christmas tree beside the fake fireplace, her empty body the realest thing in the room.

And death seemed as powerful and as kind and as inevitable and as terrible as our sun.


Rest in Peace Ingeai

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Comments

[jeff2001.livejournal.com]

Excellent. It's very difficult to write about such things. I have never been able to do so effectively. But you've touched on many of the things I have experienced.

I'm glad to see you're doing the daily posts. It's a worthwhile endeavor. All props to you my friend.

[skonen-blades.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It's very hard to encapsulate or even genuinely touch a subject as large as death. I generally don't get along with people who talk about how unfair things are all the time but watching my cat just fade out like that struck me as completely unfair. Like unfair on a universal level. I mean, I watched my dad pass away from cancer as well but he was a sentient, human being and that was different. I've barely written anything about that experience because I can't think of a way to accurately address the death of one's father. It's just too huge. But with our cat Ingeai, I had a lot of very clear thoughts in my head as I witnessed it. It was a real education seeing this cat get taken away. I'm glad this piece resonates. I really wasn't sure how it was going to turn out.

[sr-smith.livejournal.com]

Quite an emotional and yet objective view of that which is never easy, never timely, almost never welcome. Crafted with apparent care.

[skonen-blades.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I find it hard to address the larger issues of things like death because it's just so huge. It's part of life, though. Glad you liked the take I had on it.