His Master's Voice
18 February 2013 00:41![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skonen_bladesThe creature standing in the white house oval office was quite tall and seemed to be made of flexible wood. Glowing holes dotted its body. It didn’t seem to have a circulatory system. It did have eyes and a mouth but they gave the distinct impression of being put there for our benefit. Right now, the eyes and mouth were facing my direction.
I was the White House’s pet xenobiologist, David Randerson. Up until now, my services consisted of debunking Area 51 rumours on public chatboards and ordering my staff pizza for lunch. And by ‘staff’ I mean me. I was a team of one. A just-in-case employee that every administration wanted to cut but somehow kept renewing my position through three two-term presidents. That means that I was twenty when I got this job and I’m forty-four now.
I can tell you some things: Men in black do not exist. Stealth technology, Velcro, CD/DVD technology, and everything around on this planet was invented by humans. The aforementioned Area 51 houses failed Air Force experiments. SETI continues to scan seemingly empty skies.
No aliens have contacted us and we do not have a dialogue with them. However, I was having a conversation with an alien right now. Security all had their guns drawn. The president was behind his desk, sweating but trying to look like he had a handle on the moment.
The alien had appeared in the oval office three minutes ago. All attacks on it had failed. Bullets lay flattened around its feet. The air had the tang of taser and laser fire. It looked at me and repeated itself.
“I am what you call Gliese 667c. I am here to talk to you. What are you called?” said the creature to me.
I pushed my glasses up my sweating nose and answered.
“My, uh, my name’s Dave.”
“Planet Dave. I am pleased to meet you. You must come to me so we can talk.” The creature said.
“No, no. This is Earth. My name is Dave. I am a human. I live here.” I answered.
“That is disappointing. You are saying that you are not one with your planet. That you do not experience oneness. That your voice and the planet’s voice are different things. Does everyone on this planet consider themselves to be and individual?” asked the alien.
“Yes.” I answered. I didn’t like where this was headed.
“Then you are broken. Planets evolve a voice when they achieve maturity. We supposed that you were your planet’s voice. I am not FROM Gliese 667c, I AM Gliese 667c. I will leave.” It raised its arms as if to trigger a transportation.
“Wait!” I shouted “Don’t go. We can learn from you.”
“If an alien showed up and demanded that you speak with its toenail, proclaiming that its toenail had intelligence and authority to speak for the whole, would you take that alien seriously?”
“Well, I’d think that alien was crazy, probably.” I answered.
“Exactly. You do not speak with a unified voice. Your planet is mute. You are a passing phase, a disease, or maybe the beginning of a voice. But you are not yet Earth. We will return when you are.”
And then it left. No flash of light, no big explosion. It just…wasn’t there anymore.
I got a raise for averting the apocalypse. I didn’t feel like I deserved it.
tags
I was the White House’s pet xenobiologist, David Randerson. Up until now, my services consisted of debunking Area 51 rumours on public chatboards and ordering my staff pizza for lunch. And by ‘staff’ I mean me. I was a team of one. A just-in-case employee that every administration wanted to cut but somehow kept renewing my position through three two-term presidents. That means that I was twenty when I got this job and I’m forty-four now.
I can tell you some things: Men in black do not exist. Stealth technology, Velcro, CD/DVD technology, and everything around on this planet was invented by humans. The aforementioned Area 51 houses failed Air Force experiments. SETI continues to scan seemingly empty skies.
No aliens have contacted us and we do not have a dialogue with them. However, I was having a conversation with an alien right now. Security all had their guns drawn. The president was behind his desk, sweating but trying to look like he had a handle on the moment.
The alien had appeared in the oval office three minutes ago. All attacks on it had failed. Bullets lay flattened around its feet. The air had the tang of taser and laser fire. It looked at me and repeated itself.
“I am what you call Gliese 667c. I am here to talk to you. What are you called?” said the creature to me.
I pushed my glasses up my sweating nose and answered.
“My, uh, my name’s Dave.”
“Planet Dave. I am pleased to meet you. You must come to me so we can talk.” The creature said.
“No, no. This is Earth. My name is Dave. I am a human. I live here.” I answered.
“That is disappointing. You are saying that you are not one with your planet. That you do not experience oneness. That your voice and the planet’s voice are different things. Does everyone on this planet consider themselves to be and individual?” asked the alien.
“Yes.” I answered. I didn’t like where this was headed.
“Then you are broken. Planets evolve a voice when they achieve maturity. We supposed that you were your planet’s voice. I am not FROM Gliese 667c, I AM Gliese 667c. I will leave.” It raised its arms as if to trigger a transportation.
“Wait!” I shouted “Don’t go. We can learn from you.”
“If an alien showed up and demanded that you speak with its toenail, proclaiming that its toenail had intelligence and authority to speak for the whole, would you take that alien seriously?”
“Well, I’d think that alien was crazy, probably.” I answered.
“Exactly. You do not speak with a unified voice. Your planet is mute. You are a passing phase, a disease, or maybe the beginning of a voice. But you are not yet Earth. We will return when you are.”
And then it left. No flash of light, no big explosion. It just…wasn’t there anymore.
I got a raise for averting the apocalypse. I didn’t feel like I deserved it.
tags