skonen_blades

The ice in the drink she throws at me clatters on my glasses a millisecond before her entire gin and tonic slooshes across my face and down my shirt. The lime gives me a parting rub of a kiss on the cheek and skitters off behind me into the darkness. Her straw spears wetly past my ear, missing me by inches. The drink that I bought her soaks into my clothes and drips off of my earlobes and the tip of my nose. I'm standing there, stunned enough to be amused, when she lands the first punch.
I'm expecting a slap but the lights in the club are flashing and the music is loud. The gin is starting to sting my eyes so I don't see it coming. It's got a wide arc and manages to connect very, very well with the side of my jaw. I have a chance to be happy that she didn't hit my glasses just as I see the glasses in question fly away from my face and bounce away across the ancient tortured carpet and out under the heels and boots of the dance floor. I'm off balance and trying not to spill the drink I have in my hand when the second hit catches me right in the nuts.
I'm not a dirty fighter and I am surprised at her actions.
My nuts do the other thing they're good at. The five second pause it takes to know that the train is coming is just enough for me to look blurrily up at her with half a smile on my face. It's a smile that refuses to really guess that the main attraction is over we're watching the credits. The pain from the first punch is starting to cut through the numbness. The idea that I've already lost this fight and that I'm getting beat up in public by a girl is still fifteen seconds away. My nuts are not generating the real wave yet. They're just giving me this feeling like I've just had a shot of strong rum and my stomach's all warm.
I guess I must have stayed still like that for a few seconds because that's when she broke my nose.
I could feel her ring connect with the surprisingly delicate bridge of my long aquiline snout.
My head snaps back and I can feel my knees buckle a bit.
I can taste blood which is novel because there's a lot of it. I can't smell a damn thing. The front of my face has suddenly been to the dentist.
I dimly hear someone gasp as the people around us finally start to see what's going on.
Great. I'm gonna be famous.
The shot to the nuts starts to rev the engines and the excruciating sick-making swells start in the pit of my tightening stomach and do nice tap dance up my back to my brain. The Ache starts. The pain from the first punch cavorts in as well at this point. My gushing nose is really starting to clamour for attention. The full horror of what is happening starts to get in there with the 'more pain than I've ever felt in my life' party that has become my face.
Now, normally I'm not much of a cryer.
My memory gets a little spotty after that point.
I remember a lot of laughter, none of it mine.
I remember amusing the patrons with my impresson of the locomotion of a sidewinding desert snake.
I remember doing incredibly accurate whalesong through my gritted teeth.
I remember doing a few circles on the carpet that would have made Curly from the three stooges proud.
I remember having absolutely no idea what emergency to tend to first and opting for waiting for one of them to be first in line. They couldn't decide.
I remember the taste of the carpet made me throw up.
A bouncer helped me to me feet. He was still chuckling. I think he ended up sleeping with her that night.
Later, in the ambulance, the paramedics also thought it was pretty funny. I think they ended up sleeping with her as well.




toe