glimpses

My back is a forest fire of blown-out birthday candle wishes
I fly a flag of smoke signals behind me up into the sky
The charcoal ghost of a lighthouse
The absent student in my chest
Becoming a mirror that mattresses use for instagram
The orchard in my ribs accordions shut
And wheezes wide like the mouth of a monster
The one-two applause of my heart
Constantly losing its slippery, spasming grip on my blood
The sound of one hand slow clapping
These shotgun shells I use for eyes need watering
To dampen the gunpowder
The world clatters past and around me
A circus of shopping carts and lost pet posters
A new forgiveness needed every day
The spare key is no longer under the doormat
Or the flower pot
And I feel like I’ve become an avid collector of targets
Hoarding them shoplifter under my coat
I feel the sunlight of hope searing my skin with a hiss
The slow roll of my gift-wrapped brain
As it tries to snakeskin out of it
I improvise a few smiles
I try on a few more degrees of glee
It’s not a mess in here on purpose
I’m just trying to throw off the scent
Distracting the hunt too successfully
Like wearing camouflage
When no one’s even looking at you
Saving up for invisibility
When it was given to you years ago for free
I live in a greeting card
Where saving up for a rainy day is impossible
Because it’s raining all the time
Every finish line has ‘jk’ written on the other side
Don’t get me wrong
It’s bearable
It’s beautiful
It definitely has its moments
And I love being here
But patience is too flammable
Fear is too common
Facts are too malleable
And the forest is way too smoky
For anything other than glimpses
Of peace



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