skonen_blades

The sun is going down inside of me
As unstoppable in its coming darkness
As the movement of planets
And their unavoidable mechanics
A galactic scale contained in one person
Just like the rest of us
(Incomprehensible, complicated universes that we are)

Winding down
And when the light goes out
I am default closed fridge normal
Not a black hole
Just the flatline background noise of the empty mean
The average cold of the universe
The baseline zero blackness
The measurable nothing
Of the void majority of space

I will that sun to swim
To become dawn
But it has its own schedule
I can trust the future coming of a sunrise
But I can't comprehend what it will be like until it exists

For now I watch the familiar blanket darkly bloom
A muffling oil spill
Spreading over the struggle of that valuable light
Unique and special in its brevity
Its opposite-of-nothingness
It fades in spectacular colors
Sunsetting its last gasps
As it drowns in molasses
The tar pit extinguisher of the horizon
Welcomed into the arms of the galactic normalcy of night

And I turn nocturnal scarecrow
With the patience of a cold lizard
Button-eyed mannequin
A quiet chest and still limbs
More furniture than person
Waiting for the return



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She tries to under herself
To blanket and dive
To drown recreationally
To get to the quiet
And the dark
In the depths
But she’s a cork
Frustratingly buoyant
Surfacing too soon
Breaching too quick
Over and over
Stinging in the wind
The noise gushing from every screen
And mouth and beaming face
Making her
Something skinless in the salty sun
She wants to play hide and seek
With life
While it counts to a billion
Eyes closed to her
And she slips invisible somewhere
Into some effortless warm memory
Somewhere off the clock
A place where pause
Is possible
And this is all gone somewhere else
Where she can hermit a long lull
Turning one forever moment
Over and over
Like a diamond in her hand
Breathing everything
She’s ever breathed in
Out


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I’m trying to build up a tolerance for arrows
By continuing to go outside and talk to people
I’ve heard that exposure therapy
Helps people with phobias
Being in the same room with a spider
And then months later letting one crawl on your hand
And soon you’re not afraid of spiders anymore
I want the same with life
To not care about the direct hits
But either life’s aim is getting better
Or I’m getting bigger
I will say that I have gone a little numb
The dull thuds of the arrows hitting home
A lot like a neighbor downstairs banging on the ceiling
To complain about the noise
Not as fresh
The scar tissue so thick it forms armour
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want it to end
To be a part of this society
And not feel pain
Or at least feel less pain
Or at least see less people in pain
Or at least be able to alleviate more pain
Because getting arrows and firing back
Just hits to many bystanders
Maybe I just need to get better at first aid
And go into battle as a medic
And do what I can
To heal and protect
Not only myself
But others



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To beat back life
To beat back the unending attack of it
Its unrelenting erosion and push
Its addiction to shaking you awake
To giving you lessons fast and hard before you're ready because if you were ready they wouldn't be lessons
But to beat it back
Once and for all
In some holy orgasm of effort
Not in the ceaseless parrying of the thousands of small cuts, cat scratches, and knife swipes.
Not in the take-a-deep-breath-here-we-go-again sandpaper dodging
Not in learning to laugh at the broken noses from the stepped-on rakes hiding in tall grass
Not in becoming accustomed to the sidewalks that suddenly become diving boards
But to swerve to the top of the wave and stay there
That's the dream
The myth?
The idea
The solid spasm that will bring you to the top
The pyramid's point
The pinnacle
And keep you there
I think I'm old enough to know that the shortcut is to do the work
And that lottery winners are usually poor or dead in a few years
But I still dream of that holy key
That stupid carrot to my moronically optimistic mule of a soul
That will let the grind end
Because I don't feel like I am being sharpened
Or smoothed
I feel like I'm disappearing


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Never have I ever is depressing as an adult
Never have I ever.....believed in myself
Never have I ever.....persevered past the first setback
Never have I ever.....put others before myself
Never have I ever……gotten the help I needed
None of us drink
We all end up way too sober
Which is good because we have to work tomorrow
And school was fun compared to work
And we didn’t like school
But hey
Romeo wasn’t built in a day
And a diamond in the rough is forever
And I’ve got the upper hand when the game is afoot
Speak now or forever hold your pizza
Which doesn’t sound like a bad deal
And sure
Life is a highway but cars are destroying the planet
I’d rather it was a footpath through the forest
Even though the man I am
Would be eaten by wild animals
Or more likely just die from eating the wrong berries
Because I have been completely divorced from nature
I don’t mind a quick supervised camping session now and then
But I love a warm home
Hairless monkey that I am
Dependent on capitalism
Participating in it by turning money into food
But there’s hope
The spark of life inside can always bloom into a fire
That jumps from person to person
Spreading love



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Calm exteriors can come at a high price
Still waters run deep
And deep water is where we too often dump toxic waste
By the time we run out of room we're looking at extinction
Facades can hide internal battles
Like flags hide genocide
Like nationalism hides denial
Wars can rage in the background of a smile
Behind friendly eyes
Some people are reservoirs
That take decades to fill with rain
Before overflowing
Disguised as peacemakers
Dressed as conduits
Barely holding it together though you'd never know
Until the duct tape bracing the dam
The rubber band restraining the reactor
The tin foil bars on the tiger cage
All snap
And the icing slides off of a seventy-five layer anger cake
And fists fly
Or fingers reach for the sharps
Or a grip tightens on a bottle
Because when you run out of spoons
You eat with your hands


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I went to see the Hall and Oates concert last night at the Ford center. It was pretty wild. They performed a bunch of thier hits but they also cranked out a bunch of old soul tunes. It was odd watching a band that used to be popular performing for a bunch of people that used to be young.
There's this laid back ease to a band that was hot years and years ago and is still touring. An effortless precision and easy going perfection. Likewise the appreciation from the crowd is honest and heartfelt. The people in the crowd, mostly in their late thirties and early forties, are a distilled crowd. The precipitate of true fandom. They were not there to appreciate the 'latest thing'. They were because they still loved what the band had to offer.

Check these out. Watch them from the beginning. Don't let the title put you off. It's awesome.

Puppet Rapist

After the Hall and Oates gig, I went to over to Michael's place to see The Dark Crystal for like the 20th time with Jhayne and George. I love that movie. One, because it's awesome but two, because it is a film the likes of which no one would even attempt these days. The sheer effort of creating an 'analogue' film that is all puppetry and with no computer generated visual effects in a totally separate and full realized world is daunting. The years of experience and patience needed to take that project on were numerous.
And of course, Jim Henson. RIP. He left behind an impressive body of work but I would have liked to see a little more. Always makes me sad.

Well here's something to cheer us all up.

Johnny Cash on Sesame Street.

Prince on Muppets Tonight.

Miss Piggy auditions.

Something happened on the weekend there. I'm not sure what it was but there was a shift of gears in my life. I read somewhere that all the cells in your body do an entire changeover once every seven years. Not like a sudden Ka-Bam shift but more like the very last cell of the person you were seven years ago is leaving.......now. Biologically you are completely different. I felt like that happened on the weekend. I am a man now, with almost no attachment to the ways of youth. I can't relate to having boundless energy. I take it easy out of necessity. I have more patience and less judgement. I'm also less sure of myself. I listen more. I'm content to be background from time to time. Content to be a witness. I'm not happy or sad about it but I could totally feel it.

Maybe I should start doing this:

Ass Pennies

I would like to give the reasons that I have for turning to darkness, for watching the light from a safe distance to the shadow kind. I would like to find the darKing and let her/him know of the plan. You are the flaw in the diamond. You soar and use the clouds for cover. The freckles on your skin connect to form a picture of my love.

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