skonen_blades: (hluuurg)
[personal profile] skonen_blades
I take my phaser off stun and I set it to beatin’
Cause I’m a telekinetic cybernetic Wil Wheaton
A Crusher of The Borg, a Crusher of the Klingon
A Crusher of Ferengi, a Crusher of KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN

Mirror, mirror, evil me,
I’m worse than a goateed Spock’s goatee

I’m blowin’ up like a Warp Core Breach
And chillin’ with my ladies on a Risa beach

Ensigns to the left of me, Captains to the right
There’s a poetry slam in Ten Forward tonight!

(sung to the tune of twinkle, twinkle little star)

Phasers, photons, Enterprise
Five year mission through the skies
You’ll go back in time and then
Tempt the Q Continuum
Make it so, Engage and Come
I get more ass than Number One.

Give me the ladies of the Federation
From every planet and every nation
The Orion Slave Girls from Dilithium Mines
Got a BORG girlfriend, call her SIXty of Nine.
Both JadZIA and Ezri DAX, bitch
I’ll be the meat in the symbiant sandwich
Beverly Crusher and Ensign Ro
Hey there, Uhura, yeah, you know
Gimme Nurse Chapel and Janice Rand
In those original uniforms (beat) Damn
Get Counsellor Troi and Tasha Yar
Bring ‘em to my quarters for my own Pon Farr
I’ll show those babes what they’ve been missing
Tell me more of this Earth thing you call call kissing
These futuristic women love receivin’ my hails
Beside me all the other ensign competition fails
I wanna be like Spock, I wanna be like Kirk
Or anyone else who doesn’t wear a red shirt
I wanna slingshot around the sun
(throw down the gang signs)
NCC One Seven Oh One

I’m spinning the holodecks and rockin’ the mic
I’m a turbo lift transporter makin’ it right
I won every alien battle that I ever fought
And afterwards? Tea. Early Grey. Hot.
I can reroute the power through life support
Reverse the polarity and beat up Worf
I’m one half Betazoid and one half Vulcan
I have no emotions but I sense somethin’.
My rhymes are sharper that a Klingon Bat'leth
And you got nothin’ to hit me back with!
Strong as a Nausican, and quicker than Data.
I’ve got awesome holodiction I’m a total Borg hater

(sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel Air)

Starfleet Academy born and raised
On the starships is where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out waitin’ navigatin’ warp three
And looking at the viewscreen lookin’ at me
When a couple of Klingons with a ship of their own.
Started making trouble in The Neutral Zone.
I fired one little phaser Picard he got scared!
He said “Plot a course through the space-time continuum tear.”

I…told…Scotty to go to warp seven or eight and
He yelled back through the intercom that “She cannae take it.”
I raised up the shields
I put her in gear
and plotted a course for the Final Frontier.




tags

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:31 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mallinson.livejournal.com
*finally collapses off of chair*

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:42 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Man, I can't wait.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:33 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mallinson.livejournal.com
Just a few spelling corrections:
-Risa
-Bat'leth
-Nausican

I still love you.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:41 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
DUDE sweet, thank you. I knew I was spelling one or all of those wrong. Cheers.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:40 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icecreamemperor.livejournal.com
Simultaneously glorious and horrifying. I would cut out some of the 'to the tune ofs' though.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:42 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
It's just so that you get the right cadence in your head when you're reading along, that's all. I won't actually say that during performance.
Yes, glorious and horrifying at the same time. I agree. : )

Date: 5 Dec 2008 00:59 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icecreamemperor.livejournal.com

Oh I didn't think you'd say it, I just think so many jarring & referential rhythm changes & bits of singing is not great (for me). I would start with the Prince of Bel-Air bit, actually (you could even use it to frame the whole piece) and cut out all the other alterna-flow bits.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 01:02 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Well, I'd love to do the whole thing Fresh Prince style but the tv show theme song isn't long enough, I don't think, not even the full version. As it is, it's sure to be a strong closer. Well see. I'm not finished. There should be more nerd-themed entries in the next couple of day. We'll see what evolves before Monday.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 01:11 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icecreamemperor.livejournal.com

Also the scansion/rhythm on the last line of Bel Air segment doesn't really scan for me. I can see how the delivery could salvage it, but it's no good faking it on the last line of the poem.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 01:50 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
You're correct. Do you like the new ending?

Date: 5 Dec 2008 02:41 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icecreamemperor.livejournal.com

Much improved, yes. :)

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:46 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mersipan.livejournal.com
Yep, I've got this stuck in my head now.

That's alright, no one I live with will give me odd looks for singing Phasers, photons, Enterprise...

Date: 4 Dec 2008 22:16 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Ha ha ha. Sweet.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 21:48 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kindelingboy.livejournal.com
Wow. Just wow.

Date: 4 Dec 2008 22:17 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
(bows) As far as I'm concerned, Nerd Slam Monday means more to me than Christmas. EEEEEEEE!

Date: 5 Dec 2008 00:21 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ragingvalkyrie.livejournal.com
You know what sucks? The day after the nerd slam I have an 8.30am exam and a 12 page research paper due.

God damnit.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 00:23 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
That does suck. Are you considering doing it all on Sunday or are you just straight-up admitting that you won't make it to the Nerd Slam?

Date: 5 Dec 2008 05:01 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ragingvalkyrie.livejournal.com
I doubt I could get it all done. Besides, the 8.30am exam is in Swedish, and every extra minute of learning vocabulary will help. I'll do what I can.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 19:08 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Swedish, you say? Well, slap my arsel and call me a fjolla. Sounds like a full plate. There was talk of filming the slam so we'll see. Good luck with your studying.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 00:22 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ragingvalkyrie.livejournal.com
Also, the Fresh Prince part is brilliant.

The whole thing is brilliant.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 00:23 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Thank you. I hope it performs well.

Date: 5 Dec 2008 04:22 (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
All I want for christmas is a recording of you performing that. That is awesome. YOU... are awesome. ~chandra

Date: 5 Dec 2008 19:08 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
I'll try to get a recording.

Date: 6 Dec 2008 05:11 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] uncommoncold.livejournal.com
Oh, heck yes. Love it. Monday is going to be great. I cannot wait.

I'll probably see you at the Rio tomorrow!

Date: 6 Dec 2008 09:32 (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skonen-blades.livejournal.com
Yes, you will. HOWEVER, I am going to skedaddle at around six to go be in a burlesque show. One of the dudes from the Becoming Burlesque Grad Show tomorrow at the Red Room bailed so they called me up on Wednesday to ask if I could help on short notice. I just got home from rehearsing a short routine. It's going to be awesome. But the Thickets are the best band that have ever played music so that is also awesome.

I can't wait for Monday.

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