Possible Star Trek Slam Poem

[skonen_blades]

I take my phaser off stun and I set it to beatin’
Cause I’m a telekinetic cybernetic Wil Wheaton
A Crusher of The Borg, a Crusher of the Klingon
A Crusher of Ferengi, a Crusher of KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN

Mirror, mirror, evil me,
I’m worse than a goateed Spock’s goatee

I’m blowin’ up like a Warp Core Breach
And chillin’ with my ladies on a Risa beach

Ensigns to the left of me, Captains to the right
There’s a poetry slam in Ten Forward tonight!

(sung to the tune of twinkle, twinkle little star)

Phasers, photons, Enterprise
Five year mission through the skies
You’ll go back in time and then
Tempt the Q Continuum
Make it so, Engage and Come
I get more ass than Number One.

Give me the ladies of the Federation
From every planet and every nation
The Orion Slave Girls from Dilithium Mines
Got a BORG girlfriend, call her SIXty of Nine.
Both JadZIA and Ezri DAX, bitch
I’ll be the meat in the symbiant sandwich
Beverly Crusher and Ensign Ro
Hey there, Uhura, yeah, you know
Gimme Nurse Chapel and Janice Rand
In those original uniforms (beat) Damn
Get Counsellor Troi and Tasha Yar
Bring ‘em to my quarters for my own Pon Farr
I’ll show those babes what they’ve been missing
Tell me more of this Earth thing you call call kissing
These futuristic women love receivin’ my hails
Beside me all the other ensign competition fails
I wanna be like Spock, I wanna be like Kirk
Or anyone else who doesn’t wear a red shirt
I wanna slingshot around the sun
(throw down the gang signs)
NCC One Seven Oh One

I’m spinning the holodecks and rockin’ the mic
I’m a turbo lift transporter makin’ it right
I won every alien battle that I ever fought
And afterwards? Tea. Early Grey. Hot.
I can reroute the power through life support
Reverse the polarity and beat up Worf
I’m one half Betazoid and one half Vulcan
I have no emotions but I sense somethin’.
My rhymes are sharper that a Klingon Bat'leth
And you got nothin’ to hit me back with!
Strong as a Nausican, and quicker than Data.
I’ve got awesome holodiction I’m a total Borg hater

(sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel Air)

Starfleet Academy born and raised
On the starships is where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out waitin’ navigatin’ warp three
And looking at the viewscreen lookin’ at me
When a couple of Klingons with a ship of their own.
Started making trouble in The Neutral Zone.
I fired one little phaser Picard he got scared!
He said “Plot a course through the space-time continuum tear.”

I…told…Scotty to go to warp seven or eight and
He yelled back through the intercom that “She cannae take it.”
I raised up the shields
I put her in gear
and plotted a course for the Final Frontier.




tags

Comments

[uncommoncold.livejournal.com]

Oh, heck yes. Love it. Monday is going to be great. I cannot wait.

I'll probably see you at the Rio tomorrow!

[skonen-blades.livejournal.com]

Yes, you will. HOWEVER, I am going to skedaddle at around six to go be in a burlesque show. One of the dudes from the Becoming Burlesque Grad Show tomorrow at the Red Room bailed so they called me up on Wednesday to ask if I could help on short notice. I just got home from rehearsing a short routine. It's going to be awesome. But the Thickets are the best band that have ever played music so that is also awesome.

I can't wait for Monday.