skonen_blades

(To be sung loudly, possibly while drunk and dressed in a military uniform, most likely late at night, with incredible gusto on the last three syllables of each line. Wake up the sleepers. Celebrate life. Pretend you've been a journalist for a while in some war-torn country and maybe this is one of those group effort songs that makes you all laugh your heads off and drink more shots of whatever.)

Oh, Grandma drove a truck and she ate CORNED BEEF HASH
She paid for everything she ate in COLD HARD CASH
And when she passed away it was a BIG CAR CRASH
Oh, Grandma drove a truck and she ate CORNED BEEF HASH

Oh, Grandma loved the men. She had a WOO-DEN LEG
She’d take the men to bed and then she’d MAKE THEM BEG
And every Thursday she would drink a HALF A KEG
Oh, Grandma loved the men. She had a WOO-DEN LEG

Oh, Grandma worked on fighter planes in WORLD WAR TWO
She fixed the broken engines and the PLANES THEY FLEW
And once she punched a captain. He was BLACK AND BLUE
Oh, Grandma worked on fighter planes in WORLD WAR TWO

Oh, Grandma used to hunt and she would BRING HOME MEAT
She hunted with a knife and in her BIG BARE FEET
And Christmas dinner at her house could NOT BE BEAT
Oh, Grandma used to hunt and she would BRING HOME MEAT

Oh, Grandma married money. She liked OLD RICH MEN
She’d fuck them all to death and then she’d WED A-GAIN
And when the last one went it was an E-VEN TEN
Oh, Grandma married money. She liked OLD RICH MEN

Oh, Grandma played accordion and SANG REAL LOUD
She loved to hear the people sing so MAKE HER PROUD
And sing along with me, I mean the WHOLE DAMN CROWD
Oh, Grandma played accordion and SANG REAL LOUD

Hip hip HOORAY!
Hip hip HOORAY!
Hip hip HOORAY!

(repeat as necessary to make the police arrive.)

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